We have been on vacation now for almost a week. We have been staying at a family member’s house till today. It has been kind of crazy. Six adults, one teenager, two kids and a two year old. It has been loud and nuts in a good way. It has also caused my son and I to argue more than we have in a really long time. We have argued about eating too much junk food, drinking too much sugary drinks and staying up too late. He wants to know why his cousins (one younger and one older) get to stay up when he has to go to bed. It is a rough argument. It is vacation so part of me thinks that I should just say OK, have a free-for-all, do whatever you want because it is vacation and it is a special time. But I just can’t do it.
Even if I can’t go all the way, I can move somewhat. I can buy cotton candy for a treat. I can allow for soda even if I don’t want to. But I can’t bring myself to go off the deep end. I can’t just let it all go. And not being able to do that makes me question myself. It makes me wonder if I just don’t have enough fun. Am too uptight. I have been apologizing to Keanu for being me. For being the Mom that I am. But I just can’t stop that, being that Mom. It is the Mom that I am and it is the Mom that I always will be, whether or not we are on vacation. So I will continue, much to my son’s chagrin to be the baddie, to be the one that says no. I can’t help it, it is who I am.