Yesterday Keanu parted ways with us (small son and I). We had cried the night before. We cried when we said goodbye to the rest of the family when they dropped us at our terminal. We cried when Keanu left for HI an hour or so before us. I assume we looked semi-pathetic by the time we got on the flight to NY. Maybe that is why everyone on the plane was so nice to us. Like bizarro world, twilight zone nice. Like we walked in and the head flight attendant asked my son if he wanted to see the cockpit. I was like, “say yes, say yes.” So we walk up to look at the cockpit. Let me just say, you don’t want to see the cockpit. There is no surface area without a button, lever or screen. It is impressive in a scary, things you don’t want to know kind of way.
The pilots were nice and chatty. They asked my son his name, which he told them (his very Hawaiian name) and they nodded politely. It turned out that one of the pilots lives in the same town as my Aunt, a few towns over from my Mom. Very strange. He did not know my Aunt and Uncle though (thank goodness, I would’ve been expecting Rod Serling to come out from behind a curtain.) We get to our seats at the very back of the plane and another flight attendant gushes over son’s Eeyore stuffed animal. It’s her favorite and her husband’s and son’s. She takes a picture of small son with Eeyore and sends to her husband. The other flight attendants were super chatty with son when doing drinks and whatnot. All very weird and unexpected. I was wondering if we would have gotten the same treatment if Keanu was with us. I just don’t know. Was it because we looked sad? Or because we had no man with us? I would like to think that it was the latter.
Even though I am not really a single mom (and can’t imagine how hard it is to really be one) I kind of felt like one. I realized that no matter what issues you have with your signifcant other when it comes to caring and raising your child, having that other person around is great. You can disagree and discuss. You can come to conclusions and bounce ideas off of each other. You help to balance each other out. Not having my balance with me, at my side, there to talk to at any time kind of freaked me out. He is completely acessible but not here. I have a great support system to help out but it is not the same. I will need to make decisions that we (me and Keanu) both agree on. I hope that I can get it right. I will consult with him and involve him as much as I can but I miss him a lot already.