First Day Sadness

Today was my son’s first day of second grade in Hawaii. But he is not
in Hawaii. He is in New York. He will be joining his class in December when we
are back in Hawaii. Keanu went to his school today and took some pictures of
his classmates, his desk and the outside of the classroom. The kids all look so
much bigger from last year. His new teacher decorated the outside of the room
with giant crayons with the kid’s names on them. My son’s is blue and the sight
of it just made me cry. His teacher seems like she will be OK with this
situation and I hope to hook up the NY and HI second grade classes in a way
that will benefit both.

Seeing the HI pictures, the four desks together with only three students….I
just can’t take it today. Being here seems so wrong today. How unfair for him
to be here while his entire class is back in, learning, playing and growing
together. All day I have felt that I am going to burst into tears. My stomach
aches. Keanu was there dropping off the school supplies for the classroom. How
strange for him to be there for the first day of school but with no student to
drop off. It is like we are in some kind of weird self-imposed mourning. Or one
of those movies where everyone pretends the person is there but he is not (he
has a desk, a giant crayon with his name on it).

And I know, know, know what you are thinking. Just shut the hell up and
get back on the plane to Hawaii. And while this is so incredibly appealing to
me for many, many reasons I am not ready to do it. I am not ready to do it
mostly because I am relatively positive that we will not be engaging in this
split life again. I am relatively sure that we will be unwilling and unable to
commit to the separation we are currently engaged in. Because of this and
because I am in it now, I have to stay for as long as I can. We have to do it
for possibly the entire time we committed to. I think that there are few
reasons we would go back before our original date including if my son is having
a spectacularly bad time at school here for whatever reason and in whatever
capacity. I would take him back then.

Interestingly enough, my son seems unaffected by the fact that his
friends in HI have started school today and he is still blissfully on summer
vacation. We went to a magic show at the library today, got some books out, hit
the beach and went into town for ice cream after dinner. I suppose with a day
like that, why would you miss school. But I miss it. I miss it terribly. Even
the ice cream couldn’t make me feel better.

About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
This entry was posted in Hawaii, New York, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to First Day Sadness

  1. Kila says:

    I understand having a split life. Mine is between Wisconsin and Florida. Have been doing this over 1 1/2 years. It’s hard. Eventually I need to just pick one.

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