Hypochondria

I am in love with a hypochondriac. Lucky for me he is more like a
cyclical hypochondriac. About every six months or so he has some minor ache or
something that drives him to the doctor again and again and again. Sometimes he
will keep going till they concede and give him an unnecessary medical test
(this makes me feel somehow personally responsible for the rising cost of
health care). Usually it is a medical test that he has investigated on the
internet. Something like an endoscopy. Then when the results come back that he
is fine, he is done. But he needs that test. That test that in his mind will
make him believe that he really is OK.

Sometimes this really irritates me especially since there are real sick
people, with real diseases, bad ones (he’s been diagnosed with tennis elbow and
acid reflux most recently). The thing is that I understand why he is like this
to some extent. I know that when he was younger he had something seriously
wrong with him and he ignored it. It was his mother who finally made him show
her (an injection site, just cortisone, which had become so infected that it
was almost gangrenous). According to him, she saved his life. If he had put off
going to seek attention for much longer, he could have ended up with blood
poisoning or it actually could have killed him. So since then, the pendulum has
swung really far the other way. For a while he actually couldn’t work out
because he would start freaking out if his muscles were sore. Pendulum…really….far.

And while we, as a couple, joke about this often, the thing is that I
feel like it has prevented him from doing any living since I left Hawaii with
our son. It makes me sad because I was hoping that he would have some fun on
his own. I was hoping that he would seize the opportunity to live a completely
selfish life and run with it. I really thought it would happen at least a
little bit. He bought a surfboard and started running and working out. But it
seemed that whenever he started to get going some medical issue would pop up. Like
his forearm swelled up to the size of Popeye’s forcing him to stop working out.
And he never started again. He took his board out one time but I don’t think
that he’s been back in the water since. He had plans and hopes and lists of all
these things that he would do while we were in NY; learn to cook, write more,
and take up the guitar. And I know, I know that this has not been easy for him
and that most people think that we are nuts and I can’t imagine not seeing my
son for six months. I can’t. So I can’t really judge what he has and hasn’t
done. And it is really not a judgment. I guess ultimately I just want him to be
happy but he can’t really be happy without us and truth be told, we can’t
really be happy without him. Maybe I was just delusional in my thinking; it
wouldn’t be the first time. He told me today that when we meet in CA in
November, he is going to “backpack” our son around the entire time just so he
can feel him close to him and not let him go. When that happens, that CA
meeting (thanks PD!!); we will be happy again. We will all be happy again and
hopefully my hypochondriac can live out loud with us since he couldn’t without
us.

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About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
This entry was posted in Hawaii, New York and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Hypochondria

  1. Florence says:

    Kim, I really enjoy your blog. I hope you continue it when you get back to HI. You should really consider a career that has writing in it. You are an exceptional writer and story teller.
    Anyway I hope we can get to see you before you return to Hawaii. You are welcome to come and visit us in Rocky Point, or at Heather’s in Shoreham. You and your Mom and son have an open invitation, just let us know.

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