After being apart from Keanu for six months, it has been interesting as we re-engage as a family and as a couple. I have to remember that I don’t have to do everything and be the one that takes care of all the problems and the one that answers all the questions and that is really, really nice. Then there is just, to blatantly steal from a Journey song, “the joy of rediscovering you”. Someone asked if we had the movie kiss in the airport and well, we didn’t. We hugged and I cried and I gave him a big kiss on his cheek but we didn’t do the Times Square swooning kiss. I always feel like Keanu is against public displays of affection. I mentioned this to him and he said that he is not against some PDA. I’m not sure that I believe him.
Our first night together after about 14 hours of travel consisted of lots of snuggling and sleeping. He is the same. He is different. He has longish hair and the jury is out on that until at least he gets some sort of haircut giving it a style. Right now it looks sort of like Lego snap-on hair; that molded plastic look. Not great. I know that I am also different. Despite having all the time in the world to do all the things that I never have time to do, like working out constantly, it just didn’t happen. I went to NY pushing the boundaries of my Weight Watchers goal weight and have quite easily surpassed it. I am feeling jiggly and squishy; soft around the middle. I don’t love it. Unfortunately eating was one thing that I was vaguely in control of while in NY; with no car and no real job it was easy to feel powerless.
There is nothing to bring the reality of what your body looks like than the prospect of someone actually seeing it. Looking in the bright and glaring bathroom lights Tuesday morning brought some wincing on my part. I was concerned that the shorts which I hadn’t put on in some time would not fit me anymore. Luckily they did but admittedly my body is not in the shape it was pre-NY. The thing is that I know that Keanu does not care. He tells me time and again that he does not and I may actually finally believe him. The other thing is that I DO care so that may just negate the fact that he doesn’t. When you are feeling bulgy and jiggly it is sometimes difficult to be engaged in the moment; thinking about love handles does not make one feel amorous.
Luckily, after a six month hiatus of closeness, of touching, of anything; all normalcy is out the window. There is no awkwardness or embarrassment. There is just doing by instinct and feeling. It is new. It is old. It is good. We are currently sharing a room with our six year old so we are facing certain, shall we say, limitations. And quite frankly, there are some things that shouldn’t be shared. So I am mostly done sharing. Suffice to say that there is a smile on both of our faces.