I’ve always believed that Hawaii tends to keep the folks that she wants to. The people who move here and have problems fitting in don’t make it. They are unable to acclimate; can’t deal with the weather; get island fever; hate the food and end up leaving. I am pretty sure that no one misses them. I have never felt like one of those people. I definitely had a rough patch mostly around homesickness but I rallied once I joined a paddling team. It grounded me and allowed me to be a part of a great community.

So now that we have just returned from our NY jaunt for six months, I am starting to feel like Hawaii’s love affair with me has ended. Or maybe she is just angry that I have been away for so long and this is a temporary punishment; like a time out. The day we left LA Keanu came down with a stomach virus. Despite hand washing and wiping down surfaces, our six year old came down with it today; the day before he was about to return to his second grade class here in Hawaii. Even if he stops vomiting tonight, I don’t think that he will be able to go tomorrow. The stomach virus also kept us from completing our Costco run to replenish our stocks here at the apartment. We headed out but wisely decided to turn around. We pulled into the parking spot, the six year old opened the door and vomited out of the car. Perfect timing; truly.

I am supposed to start work next week Monday. I decided to have a week off back here to sort of get things in order despite the fact that as a family, we desperately need me to get paid. Apparently the judicial system thinks that instead of reporting to work next week Monday, instead I should report to the federal court building to potentially be selected to sit on a grand jury; on the first day of work. Yeah, I’m not really sure how that’s going to turn out.

These small stumbling blocks; delays, are just dragging me down. Life has been on hold for so long and although we keep trying to restart it, to get our lives underway in a normal fashion again, it is just not happening. Keanu and I have yet to experience any truly intimate time together due to sickness and the fear of germ spreading. It is frustrating and aggravating. It makes me read too much into what is going on. Truthfully, it makes me want to cry. I realize that my feelings are likely the culmination of all that has happened and hasn’t happened over the past six months. I just hope that very, very soon I start to feel the aloha again because right now I do not feel like Hawaii wants me back.

About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
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6 Responses to Lemons

  1. mauka-makai says:

    Oh dear! Didn’t you hear, Mercury is in retrograde. Communication has a tendency to go topsy turvy and it’s not a great time to start things, but rather a good time to clear our old clutter and patterns and things we don’t need. Here is a short post: http://www.aliceinspired.com/?cat=17

    Do you have a moment to take a run or do some yoga, something that will bring you back to your center? Do it.

    You are safe. You are healthy. You are loved. You are at ease. (i’m sending you this loving kindness meditation, try sending it to your self too)


  2. Enhee says:

    Must be some big cosmic thing affecting everyone. My mom who is staying with me to babysit my daughter started vomiting Thursday night. I took her to hospital. Turns out it is a liver cancer. My husband and son is in Sydney. I need my work to pay for medical expenses. I have no idea who will babysit my daughter. In one word, things have been a huge mess. They say take it one day at a time. Now I truly know what it means :((

    • nematomorph says:

      Enhee, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. It makes my issues shrink away to nothing- it is all about perspective. Know that I am sending aloha and good thoughts your way. Take care, Kim

      • Enhee says:

        Last time my life was rocked and shaken this hard, I went to Hawaii with my son and being there really saved my soul. Wish I could do the same this time. I certainly hope to see you there next time.

  3. ms. czarda says:

    sending you love and strength, ms. click. i know i miss you and would love to have you near – so i can only imagine how much hawaii has missed you. hang in there. sit by the ocean. go for a swim when you can. i always felt like the waters had a good healing power. xxo.

  4. anna says:

    oh kim, hang in there. transitions are rarely easy. please reach out to your community, which i like to think includes me, if you need help. and tell your friend enhee that if she needs help minding her daughter, i am available. my mom died of liver cancer in august, so i can identify.

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