Passionless

So after my stint in New York that involved a lot of low level & low pay work, loads of cooking, much running, lots of time with dogs and catching up on my reading; life in Hawaii is very, very different. People find it hard to believe that my NY life was way more laid back and relaxing than my HI life. That is what happens when you believe the stereotypes; everyone in Hawaii lying about under palm trees on the beach and everyone in New York rushing around Manhattan style. Of course there is so much in between these extremes and that is where most people live their lives; in the ocean of gray.

I have been back at my HI job for almost three months. Truth be told, it has been like I never left, and that is good and that is bad. My responsibilities were altered, at my request, but I continue to struggle to find my way. The part of my job that everyone in my organization defines as mine, is technically not my job any more. I help out, do some research, but really, that is not me anymore and that is a strange thing. To not be that person anymore after 10 years. But of course I am not truly separated and in some respects my responsibilities are more politically saturated than ever.

Looking for a missing file the other day, I stumbled across a self-inflicted work project that I engaged in before I moved to NY. Just looking at it made me smile. I loved doing it, I was awarded a lot of flexibility and creativity in doing it and it was fun. At this moment, I don’t have anything like that going on at work, which is not to say that I won’t, it’s just that right now I don’t. It doesn’t help that just as I returned to my old job, one of the best senior officers in the organization retired. He was unique and wonderful to work for and with; his leaving is a definite contributing factor to the now. Despite this, I am hopeful that I will find the joy in my work; however small or large. I just hope that it comes sooner rather than later.

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About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
This entry was posted in Hawaii, New York and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Passionless

  1. lavagal says:

    I know! Everyday I wanna tell him hi and tell him I miss him. Glad for him. He needed to break out. I’m sure it’s nice. I just wish a project with him would show up in my email or something!

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