Ego Stroked

Let’s face it, everyone loves a compliment, me included. I like it when people read my blog. Especially when it comes from someone who I know has read a lot of stuff. I feel like they know what they are talking about. Of course, this sometimes leads to odd conversations at work. People see you and it triggers in their head that they read something in my blog and then they comment on it but I am taken off guard trying to figure out what they are talking about. Usually I get it but sometimes I have no answers about what I write. And sometimes I don’t really want to talk about my blog. Sometimes that is why it is in my blog. I am way better in print than I am in person. I think. I have always had problems expressing myself. I tend to clam up. Be emotionally distant. I am good at that. Sort of like a hard candy shell, only not so delectable.

I like that I can write my blog and just put it out there and be OK with it. It didn’t used to be like that. I didn’t want anyone to read anything that I wrote ever. I was scared. Scared of something. Rejection? Ridicule? Hard to say. When I first started blogging I found that I really liked it and sometimes it made me feel better to rid myself of all that muck inside.

Of course, I still find it hard to be 100% honest and open. I understand who reads my blog and well, there are some things about me that I would rather you not know. There are some things that I can’t say for a myriad of reasons. Maybe that flies in the face of putting it all out there but I can’t help it. I would like to think that I know my boundaries when it comes to this stuff. In my mind I am like one of those old school burlesque dancers, the ones with the fans. You got enough to be titillated but you never really saw what was behind the fan. Was that a crack you saw in that hard shell? I’ll never tell.

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About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
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One Response to Ego Stroked

  1. Mick says:

    The funny thing about this post is that your friends don’t see you as closed off. What your friends love about you is the exact opposite truism. You are open and honest, take a stance, in your face (but in a good way). If you are hiding behind walls, we don’t see it. We only see the beautiful light that comes from your warm personality. Don’t beat yourself up over such petty thoughts. We like you just the way you are.

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