It’s true. For quite some time I was an internet dater. I have to be honest; I was having a hard time finding someone after being unceremoniously dumped via email from Korea. Yeah, that was great. At the time of the great internet dating experiment I was paddling so I was constantly surrounded by beautiful, fit, local boys who liked to drink a lot. They were great to hang out with and I loved them like brothers but truth be told, we didn’t share much in common aside from drinking and paddling. I will admit to kissing a couple and engaging in a bit of a fling with another but realistically this would never have gotten off the ground.
Around this time I actually started seeing a therapist to help me sort out my inability to find an appropriate partner. She told me that my problem was that I based my relationship choices on looks. Does it get more superficial than that? No, no it doesn’t. One of the early discoveries of internet dating was that everyone lied about what they actually looked like; everyone but me. It was really kind of baffling. So if you wanted to meet your internet contacts in real life at some point, isn’t it a bad way to start off, lying about what you look like? That is why I made the decision to not ask for photos. You have to remember this was back when internet dating was considered really sketchy; maybe that’s why I was involved.
Funnily enough today when I was driving up the Pali it reminded me of my first ever internet date. I was really, really nervous. I ended up meeting this very pudgy, very young college student. I think he was looking for a sugar mama. I was not interested. That date was extremely forgettable but there were a couple that still stand out in my mind. Once I met this guy for dinner at that restaurant at the top of the Ala Moana Hotel (the one that is closed now). It must’ve been around Halloween because I remember bringing him one of those tiny pumpkins. It was pretty clear early on that we had no spark but despite this we had dinner and then he asked if I wanted to go to the W. I had never been to the W so I figured this was a good chance. We decided that he would drive both of us there. I distinctly remember my horror when we walked out to the front of the hotel and it turned out that he drove a relatively new corvette. Anyone who knows me knows that that is just not me. I remember driving through Waikiki, those cars are really low, and I just wanted to sink into the seat so that the people on the sidewalks couldn’t see me when we stopped at a light. There was no second date.
I remember one time meeting a guy, I had no idea what he looked like, in front of the Chiang Mai restaurant in the McCully area. The guy I was meeting did not tell me that he was the size of linebacker, and while that may have not prevented me from meeting him, the date was agreed upon under false circumstances. I remember standing in front of the restaurant waiting for this person, like a blind date. Every man alone was potentially the person I was meeting. Then, this really big guy came walking towards the restaurant holding a bottle of wine and I remember saying to myself, I hope that this is not him. And of course it was. It turns out that he was part of then Lieutenant Governor Hirono’s security detail. If you have ever seen the security detail of high level government officials in the state, you know exactly what this guy looked like or at least his general shape.
I once went on a date with a Foodland seafood counter guy who, I am relatively certain, thought I was vaguely interesting. He met me after paddling practice and we ate at Kakaako Kitchen and then had beers at the Hibiscus Club. One of my dates was a runner and we had an early dinner at Scoozee’s (remember Scoozee’s, ah their Caesar salad with bread was my meal of choice on many an occasion). He was so haughty and full of himself that at one point when he went to the restroom I almost left the restaurant. One of my dates was a doctor who had had a bit part in Blue Crush. We drove around the island over by Sealife Park. We parked his truck, chatted and then grabbed a bite at the Hawaii Kai shopping center. I realize that all of these “dates” are kind of odd but I think that I was trying to make sure that I was safe by driving myself, meeting in public places and meeting at non-datelike times. None of these dates were followed up with a second. None of them resulted in hand holding, kissing, groping or any other kind of physical contact. You’d think that after a while I’d have given up but you would be mistaken.