So the funny thing about my last internet dating post was that folks who I know made comments about how they liked the story but that they wanted to know how I met my significant other. The man I have been with longer than anyone (something that he is pretty proud of). The man who is the father of the best son I woman could have. The man who I missed more than I could have imagined when we were apart for six months. And well, truth is, he is part two of the internet dating story. So set aside those preconceived internet dating notions and let me tell you the rest of it.
There were many times in the past when I could have been accused of drunken dialing but in a new and expanded way. It was comparable to, you know, when you got drunk and called exes. So I would be drunk and I would be on some internet dating site checking out the ads and answering some. This was before meeting on the internet was even close to being considered above board. It was before surveys and any sort of matching capability. Thing was, I was a big cheapo and did not pay for any sort of access so I would only look at postings. Most sites wouldn’t allow for much interaction without payment. On one random site that that I was on I found this guy’s posting, he liked nature, hiking, wrote poetry and the Smiths and he was a local boy. The Smiths? Someone in Hawaii liked the Smiths? How could I not respond? So I did. Drunken rambling. Do I remember what I said? Not in the least. Was it interesting, enticing, effective? Must have been because he responded. And that respondent was, LKY, the aforementioned man in my life.
It was funny. We did not exchange photos ever. My therapist thought it was great. We chatted via the internet for some time. Then we began chatting on the phone. This began happening all the time. We had no idea what the other looked like. We were like the prototype for the show dating in the dark. Finally after what I believe was months, we decided to meet in person. I remember that I was on the phone with him and he came to my apartment and I peeked out of the bedroom and glimpsed him out my front door and he looked pretty normal. It is funny, looking back on that day now, those small telling things that happened. Like, when we went to Kailua beach in LKY’s white Jeep Wrangler. At some point he was looking for his wallet, desperately, shuffling though clothes in his bag. Of course it was there, but some version of this occurs almost weekly today either with a wallet or keys.
By any measure, it was the longest date in the history of the world. We visited the heiau in Kailua by the Y, we visited the beach, we went to the swap meet to buy junk for my fellow paddling buddies and we ate Teddy burgers when they were still over at Monsarrat. I think it was all day because we just didn’t want to part. When he finally brought me home that evening, he was ever the gentleman. Truly the clashing of the Hawaii and NY stances of what happens at the end of a date (NY= kissing; HI=nothing).
Obviously we got over that whole cultural dating dissonance, moved in, made a child and are still together. So you may scoff at the whole internet dating thing but maybe it is the how, the process, and not where the meeting takes place, virtually or in real life. So my recommendation would be to take a chance, dip a toe, and just define the boundaries. Who knows, you could end up with a seven year old.