Mocha Mania

Sometimes I get really worked up about things. Politics and policy, sometimes it just comes pouring out, or it can’t come out and I am like this pressure cooker ready to blow. I think part of it is that I spend half of my working life out in the external environment where, truth be told, I cannot be myself. I turn into this pale, semi-me version of me, appropriate for public consumption in mixed company. It is like being on stage and performing for your harshest critics, whose words in a review could sink your show entirely or cause you to lose your starring role. It’s like that. Or at least, that is how I feel.

Take the SCOTUS ruling today on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act’s individual mandate. Yesterday, luckily I was office-bound all day but waiting on the ruling was making me anxious. I felt like I do when it is final decking day at the legislature and I am not down at the square building. Unable to focus, I would go for afternoon walks, often ending up unannounced in a soon-to-be-retiring senior vice president’s office. I got the impression that he was feeling as I was due to his impending departure. It got to the point where his assistant expected me every day. This went on for a good while, right up until I left for NY. While I was lucky enough to return prior to his leaving the organization, it is times like this when I wish he was still around. He is a thinker and he is innovative and we would discuss whatever came to mind, work related or not. So yesterday when I was feeling particularly restless, the void he left behind, for me personally, felt gaping. There is no one to take his place.

This morning I popped awake at 4:22 a.m. Hawaii time, perfect SCOTUS ruling timing. I have to admit that the ruling made me pretty happy (not just based on the fact that this was my prediction.) I truly believe that some time, years from now, we will be wondering what all the fuss was about. This afternoon was a meeting of folks who have worked closely with the ACA and I had decided to treat myself to a café mocha before going. Between this poorly judged move and my pent up unspoken discussions on a couple of external meetings the week before, I was truly in rare form. Perched on my mile high soap box, hopped up on caffeine which just increases the speed at which I talk (which is always borderline NY fast), it was a no-holds-barred, over the top outpouring that left the meeting attendees with wind swept hair and disheveled clothing. I hardly came up for air while invoking my NY right to utilize every hand-talking trick in the book. I would say that it was all out of me then, but soon after the meeting ended, I reprised this performance to some degree during a discussion with my standing rogue co-worker (see my guest blog at Now at home, I feel slowed down, after a bit of beer and some bad for you fast food; I am spent; satiated and happy. Ready to put on my game face on again tomorrow and head out into the world.

About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
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1 Response to Mocha Mania

  1. mauka-makai says:

    I was thinking the same, fast forward to 2044, ACA will be what is. Just as we now accept Social Security or FDIC or Medicaid. There was a time when none of them existed.

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