There are so many words inside of me right now. They are fast and slippery and hard to catch hold of. Or maybe they are fluttering and flapping, strewing feathers everywhere. Or maybe they are less frenetic and wilier, like an octopus carefully camouflaged. And because of this, their vast, vast numbers, I can’t seem to get them out of me. There is no room. Every inch of space to be used to escape inside of me is blocked. Blocked and blocked by more and more words. The cute little tails of “q”s and tumbling “x”s intertwining with capitol “A”s and “w”s. Forming an unreadable, un-writeable alphabetical dam.
This is why I am writing without entirely being sure what I am writing about. Yet, I am still writing. That just seems inherently wrong.
I can say that over the past week I have just been in a really good mood. I would even potentially go as far as calling it happy. That is not a mood I associate with myself frequently. Although, if I had to guess, other people do. I find that odd. And wrong. But who am I to judge.
Maybe it is because I am not feeling squashed at work by emailed questions regarding health care reform. Maybe it is because I seem to have actually gotten through the 475 pages of health care reform rules that were published last week. Maybe because it is Thursday. Maybe because I did the sliding alligator walk five times across the workout floor today when I used to barely be able to do two. Go ahead, look it up, it’s a thing. And a really hard thing at that. Maybe because the unused desk that was taking up space in my son’s room is gone. Maybe it is because I actually went to Wal-Mart to buy one banana today. That was actually quite amusing. It was forty cents and I could feel the people on either side of me in line thinking, a banana? Really? I felt very ten about the whole thing (Doctor Who reference – “always bring a banana to a party”). Have I mentioned how much I dislike Wal-Mart?
Maybe it is just that I have an appropriate hormone level going at the moment. No dips or spikes. Or maybe it is because I am going to have my teeth cleaned in two weeks. When I called my dentist to make the appointment, my dentist actually answered the phone. It completely threw me off. It was like calling a legislator’s office and having them answer. Freaky strange. I said to him, “so you answer phones now” and he said, “I do everything.” I like my dentist. We go way back.
And the writing seems to have eased the passage of the words. The letters are coming together and not fighting any more. They are joining hands and singing kumbaya. I appreciate their willingness to get along and leave my head. I think that their way was eased by the final dregs of cold brewed coffee swigged directly from my Whole Foods growler. Swigging from a growler seems so decadent that it can only be done in the privacy of one’s own home.
I have moved onto beer which, is likely to staunch any further abhorrent word blockages. It is a large chocolate stout beer. It is delicious. And has come at the exact right moment of my evening.