I haven’t written about my hormonal condition in some time and it may be time to do so again. I am officially pre-menopausal and have been for a few years now (yikes, a few years?! And a bit of sidebar here, I just checked and this could go on for as many as four years. Good lord!) The thing about moving from pre-menopausal to graduating to menopause for real, you have to not have your period for one whole year. And well, what has been happening is that the countdown starts. No period. No nothing. One month. Two months. I think, it’s time, it’s finally time. And then, all of a sudden, it’s back. Like Jason. Like Freddy Kreuger. I am left scrambling for the correct tools for the job. And then the worst part is the lingering. Like a bad cold. It won’t go away. It is more than irritating. And I know that I could have the opposite. I could have heavy bleeding requiring iron infusions because I know more than one person who had that scenario. So, technically I should be happy that it’s not that bad. It’s just so easy to slip into the woe is me mindset.
And it seems that with the coming of this again, it is making my brain fuzzy. It is difficult to describe. The best explanation I have is the scene in the David Tennant Doctor Who days when the master is becoming everyone in the world. Everyone, right before they turn into the Master, their heads move so quickly that you can’t see their faces any more. That is what it is like. Blurry. But frenetic.
You can watch this too long clip if you’d like for demonstration purposes:
And then last night, watching PBS there was a show about this wildlife park in Africa. They were with a woman who studies elephants. She was saying how these particular herds have a much higher prevalence of animals without tusks. Apparently this is a genetic anomaly but now that so many of the tusked animals have been poached, this is what is occurring. It is dreadful sad. It is the kind of thing where you think that the entirety of the human race kind of sucks. And as I was watching this show, it made me feel as if I had never really seen an elephant before. Is that possible? I felt like I had this heightened awareness. Like how people describe hallucinogenic drug experiences. It was all too much. The elephants were too real. Too threatened. I felt like it was my fault. Like I should be doing something about it.
And today, it was a difficult day to concentrate come the afternoon. My brain felt slow and stuck. But like it was still going a million miles a minute. I think that this has to do with a serious hormonal imbalance what with taking low dose hormone pills and having my period. It seems to be a cumulative effect that is frying my brain. It is good that it is Thursday. I am ready for some pumpkin porter and some Taco Bell. I’m pretty sure that will help dull the static and slow down the movement. I hope so since I can tell that I’m on that hormonal edge where crying could occur at just about any moment. For just about any reason. I’m hoping for no Folger’s re-united in the kitchen or other Hallmark moment commercials. Check in again with me in a couple of months, maybe the count will have started yet again. Till then, I say cheers with my hormonal cocktail and a pumpkin porter.