Worst One

So I confirmed the other day my dad has not passed away. He is not in a comatose state in a facility. As a matter of fact he was described to me as “doing pretty good.” I know that this type of information seems sort of no brainerish. But it’s not. And we are both to blame. We try, but not too hard. We reach out but we are easily defeated. If you asked us, we would both likely admit it. It is like a dance where neither of us wants to lead.

Over the summer, I had called the home of the family my dad stays with. He has a house but it is two stories and he is frail. The last time I spoke to him he was in a wheelchair. He moved in with the family of the woman who was coming to his home and helping to care for him there. The last time I called there, I left a message and I did not receive a call back. The time I called before that I did get a call back from the care facility that my dad was in. It was literally a five second phone call. He did not sound good. I could not really understand the woman that cares for him. She has a heavy accent. We communicate about as well as my dad and I do. So I never got a good handle on what was exactly going on.

The other night I had about of insomnia which, let’s be honest, is of the devil. While trying to sleep I thought of my dad. I thought that I did not know where he was. Or how he was. Or anything. The day before I had done what any grown up shirking their responsibilities would do, I called a family member to see if she knew anything. She did not but she knew who to call. There were no promises. There were threats that it may take a while to hear back. Of course I got the scoops right away. That morning as a matter of fact. My Aunts are the best. Seriously.

So I heard today that my dad is doing all right. That he sends me some hugs and that he lost his phone book which is why I have not heard from him in a really long time. This news made me pretty happy. I am glad. I am thankful. Maybe I will try to do better. Maybe he will find his phone book.

Aside from information gathering on my dad, I also had a really great conversation with my sister over the weekend. Again, I know what you are thinking, that is also a no brainer. But I am not a good sister. Like I am not a good daughter. But I am trying to be better. And on the phone the other day my sister and I had kind of an honest to goodness conversation. It was not me with my ear half on the phone listening to my sister talk about the Mets and the Giants. I was there. I was in the conversation. And I felt really good about it afterwards. It was so small for me but it’s really big for her. If I could be even half of how great she thinks I am, I’ll be doing really well.

So I am continuing to strive to be a better person. I can only chalk it up to the fact that I am approaching a large milestone birthday next year. The kind that makes you question many things in your life. The kind that makes you reflective and nervous about where you are. That’s where my head is at. Maybe these actions will help to make it all seem better. All seem all right. I figure, it can’t make anything much worse than it already is since there is so much room for improvement. Who knows where this could lead. The possibilities are endless.

 

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About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
This entry was posted in Aging, Hawaii, midlife crisis, Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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