Earlier this week it was cold but at least the wind was not blowing. I really wanted to get out for a run so I waited until around 10:00 a.m. because maybe it would be warmer and finally got myself out there. I’m not sure that it was warmer but it made me feel better about the whole thing. When I got back and walked up to the stairs leading up to our place I noticed little bits of white fur strewn all over. I stopped for a minute and thought that it looked as if my cat had exploded. Then when I looked closer I saw some tan colored fur in with the white and realized that the white and tan bunny that my son had named Letitia had likely become a tasty treat to some wild animal. We can see the woods out of the bedroom window. Sometimes there are wild turkeys. We have seen a ground hog. And recently my son saw a fox. I think that is likely what got Letitia.
In the afternoon my mom stopped by before she picked up my sister from work. When she left, I went out with her so I could go to the post office to pick up my mail. I often forget that I now live in a small town. In Honolulu, my son’s private school classmates lived all over the island. If they wanted to get together outside of school it was a logistical nightmare. I rarely, if ever, ran into parents that I knew. Here, my son’s classmates all live here, in our small town. I do like it. I feel like we are all in this together. There was a package in my box when I got to the post office so I had to go to the counter. For some reason it always takes way longer than I think that it should in the post office. I finally got my package and ran over to get an ice coffee (I know I should switch to hot but I can’t). While waiting I absently opened my mail. One was a bill. And the other said that my mammogram showed something and that I had to come back. My first reaction was panic. Then I realized that the letter was a from a local doctor’s office and that I had not had a mammogram here yet. And then I looked at the name, which was not mine. Can you say HIPAA violation?
And then I felt badly for this woman. This woman whose bad mammogram results I knew before she did. I looked at the address. The box was mine but the name was incorrect. The envelope was one of those self sealing ones so I was able to put it back. I was so flustered by the entire thing that I left without getting coffee and went back to the post office. I had to wait in line again. And I gave it to the woman and told her that it was my box but not me. I wanted to tell her that it was really important and that the woman who was supposed to get it really need to get it. That she needed to get it. I hope that she gets it and that it is really nothing.
That evening my son, my friend’s daughter and I went to a variety show at their High School. I had tried to convince my son that he should be in the show. Tried to get him to dance the hula that he had danced when he was in the court for May Day. He wasn’t having it. But we went tonight. It was a very scaled back show. And there was some real talent. And there were some parts that went better than others. But I kind of loved it. They were all so young. And had enough confidence to get up on stage and do something. One girl played ukulele and sang an original song. In front of an audience. Think about that. When I was a teenaged girl, there is no way I would let anyone read anything that I had written. Forget about any type of audience. So I was impressed.
And sad. Because if I ever had that. It is gone. And I don’t know how to get it back. That optimism. That belief that you could do anything. That you could be anything. That you could be a bunny flitting about without being eaten by a fox. Maybe not even knowing there was a fox. Or knowing that there was a fox but not caring because you could do anything. I am not that bunny. I am the bunny that is afraid and hiding. Because I know about the fox. And I desperately want to forget about the fox. And not because I am stupid but because worrying about the fox constantly is no way to live. I know that I need to be aware of the fox so I don’t end up like Letitia but I can’t be so afraid of it that I stop living.
Today my son discovered four new bunnies hanging around. He warned them about the fox. And told them to not be Letitia. Maybe he should have told them to live like Letitia but not be Letitia. Good advice.