The Dark


Originally this post was going to be about the influx of bees into our apartment. I have a really great picture


Looks like a brain!

of the nest that they found when they sawed out part of the ceiling in the overhang that was just outside my where my son sleeps. We were getting upwards of ten yellow jackets a day in our place. I knew that the ones we had were german yellow jackets. They are mean and not nice to honeybees. I knew that since the weather was getting colder that the hive was making new queens and sending them out. I found two on the floor in my bedroom. And, despite their impressive size, I whacked them with a shoe. I did feel badly, knowing that they were going forth to keep the hive alive in the spring. I fully supported them except that I really couldn’t support them roaming about my living space.

So after the days of bees and me complaining about them, they came and cut open the wall and removed the giant nest and put it into a black garbage bag. They told me that they could do it because it was cold. If it was hot, the yellow jackets would have been crazy. But in the cold, it was removed and placed in a black garbage bag. After the nest was taken away, we had about five straggler bees in our place. I had taken to whacking them or spraying them with insecticide (earlier I was letting them out of the door but I got over it). And after that, it got really cold. No more stragglers. I hope to not see them again in the spring.

Unfortunately one of the things that came with the beeless cold was the dark. In Hawaii, where we moved from, we do not change the time back and forth depending on the seasons. But here in the Northeast, it is a very big thing. Last year, I didn’t feel too dreadful about it until after the holidays. It was like the holidays dragged me through the dark. But when they were over, from January until we sprang forward, I was in the dumps. I found myself not wanting to do anything. I had these silly thoughts that I would just be writing all the time. But honestly, I was mostly laying in bed by eight every night. When it gets dark at four, that feels right.

And already, this year, it’s only been a couple of weeks and I feel myself not wanting to do anything. I mentioned it to my primary care physician and she suggested getting one of those lights. She said that I could get one for $200 on Amazon. Too rich for my blood. But then when I went to P/T this past week, I happened to run into the woman I had chatted with a while ago (the one whose daughter was just starting preschool) and she told me that they had gotten lights for her mom because she had been really depressed. Like not get out of bed depressed. I am not that depressed…….yet. She gave me the name of the lights that they had gotten for her mom. I just remembered that the name had “happy light” in it. So when I came home I looked and they have a ton in different sizes and price points. I chose one that is about the size of an ipad. And it came today.

I tested it out for ten minutes like the directions told me to. I put it on my desk next to my computer, off to the side. I did not look at it directly. All the things that it told me to do. Nothing bad happened so I can begin using it and increase the time and light intensity. I am cautiously optimistic that this will make a difference. I figure that it can’t hurt and it was nowhere near $200.

And, I hope that I run into my P/T buddy again. I think that we could be friends. Like outside of P/T. We had that easy banter. And well, I just liked her. I told her the name of my blog, but not my name, which seems like a bad plan in hindsight. And sort of self-serving, although that was not the intent. I think that I at least owe her a cup of coffee for the happy light recommendation. Maybe my happy light will help me to be more like a writer and less like a lump. More. Happy. 

About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
This entry was posted in fear, New York, patience, Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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