I did not make any resolutions for the new year. That being said, there is something that feels new on January first. The feeling that all of the wrongs can be righted. That that an incorrect path taken can be changed. Reversed. In the spirit of taking a new path, I like to engage in dry January. I feel like not only does alcohol consumption increase my caloric intake (I eat lots of carbs if I’m a bit tipsy) but it affects my sleep as well. Especially if I have been drinking bourbon or red wine. Over the last bit of the holidays, I kept waking up at night. I felt overheated and like my heart was racing. My tinnitus was really loud. It got so bad that I actually did not want to get into my bed, a place that I usually love. The feeling of the cold sheets on my feet and the cat lying on my chest. I would watch old episodes of House until I felt drowsy and then sleep the night away. Even if the time I spend asleep was less than seven hours, my fitbit said that it was good quality sleep. But those difficult sleeping days. It was like I was skating on the surface of sleep but not plunging in. 

I needed to make some modifications to my life. So, dry January. The only time I really feel like I am missing out on drinking is when we have Taco Bell Thursday and I do not have beer with my burritos. Otherwise, I am fine without it (confession – I have an event towards the end of January and I will likely have a drink. When I told my son, he tried using a metaphor that involved a butcher not using all of the parts of the cow. I didn’t really get it.) 

Then there was the eating over the holidays. Lots of cheeses. And dips. And chinese food. I decided to jump on the intermittent fasting craze. I felt like I could do the 16 hours off and 8 hours eating version. Of course, when I was originally thinking of this, I was doing the math completely wrong. Once I had it figured out, I still felt like I could do it. The internet said that most people ate between noon and eight. That seemed late to me but I quickly realized that there was something to it. I’ve been on the fasting for about three says now. I still get pretty hungry in the mornings by ten but I have taken to drinking tea since I really can’t handle black coffee. I like a cup of tea, not only in the morning, but after dinner as well. It is an odd craving for me.  

In addition to this, I have been trying to step up my activity and meditation game. I have been trying to get on my friend’s Peloton bike more often. I have found that if I hide the timeline at the top of the screen, I don’t hate it as much. I have never really loved the classes (sorry Peloton). The instructors are great and I know that I should do it more often and I really am trying (two 45 minute classes in a week!) I’m also trying to do a ten minute meditation a day (thanks Peloton). 

Then, there is the running. Before I had my existential crisis, I was in really good shape. Like really, really good shape. My daily run was four miles. I thought nothing about entering a 10K.  And then I became afraid. And I pulled back and stopped and stopped and stopped. I moved. The winter is long. Excuses built on excuses. So many that the excuse foundation is crumbling causing all the excuses to lean and sway in the wind. Today, I did a “long” run. My long runs of yore could be upwards of ten miles. Today I did four. It was unpleasant. My son called me twice and my mom called me once. It was a true slog. But I did it. I decided that the excuse tower needs to go away. That the tower was built on fear and false assumptions. And I want it gone. I want to push myself. I want to try harder. Run longer. Be better (Melania? – or is that best?). We’ll see how it all goes. It’s only been a handful of days and 2020 has just begun but I am feeling optimistic. Maybe that is all that counts.

About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
This entry was posted in Aging, fear, midlife crisis, New York, running, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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