Dear Governor Cuomo,
I hope that this Tuesday finds you well. For some reason, this week seems particularly bad to me. Nothing has changed. Nothing at all. And perhaps that is the problem. I had a really difficult time focusing on work today. I really wanted to have something to do that was relatively mindless but I only had work that required thinking. And using judgement. And interpreting policy. And, well, I just couldn’t.
Maybe it was the reporting that the WHO still is not saying that individuals who have antibodies are actually immune from the disease. Maybe it was my son’s high school reporting that the prom has been postponed (he is not even impacted by this). Maybe it was the news of the ER doctor that committed suicide after working in a facility in NY. Maybe I am just tired of cooking dinner for my son who is never sated.
I know that I am really a lucky person. I am still working. I am still getting paid. My mom is staying safe at home. My son is able to do online learning without difficulty (save for our small internet issues yesterday). The growth on the cat’s neck is a benign cyst. And the sun was actually shining today. I know that I am lucky. But maybe knowing it and feeling it are two different things entirely.
The thing is, I’m not sure what I would want to do if I could do anything I wanted. Would I want to go for cocktails in Greenport? Or maybe sit outside with my mom and aunt when we meet for ladies who lunch. Be a complete sloth in my friend’s big room as we watch old Top Chef episodes and she quilts while we chat. Eat a big family dinner at my other friend’s house. All of us gathered around his dining room table for a meal. Go to the bootcamp class offered by the town that my mom (77) has been going to for close to 20 years. Grab a coffee in Starbucks. Or just sit at my mom’s kitchen table and eat a grilled cheese sandwich that she has made. She uses those questionable american cheese slices that may not even be actual cheese. And this vidalia onion dressing that she uses in everything. And then she always has chocolate chip cookies or brownies for dessert. Maybe that is all I want. Lunch with mom.
But it is hard to see that path. The path that gives me a timeframe for when I can go in my mom’s house. Where is that in the state’s opening plan Governor? I see the dial and the valves and the stages for reopening. But I know in my heart that I may not be eating a grilled cheese sandwich with my mom until there is a vaccine. And that may not be until next year.
I don’t mean to kvetch. I am a rule adherent. I wear a mask if I have to go out to the store. And I social distance whenever possible. And I do not really go anywhere else aside from maybe picking up takeout. And I will continue to follow the rules. Because I know that will get me back to the grilled cheese. But right now, it just seems really, really far away. And I am not complaining but it just makes me sad. And some days, even when the sun is shining, the sad is just a really heavy burden. And today it is weighing me down.
But, as always, I have to thank you. Because you make me feel like someone is looking out for all of New York. For me. For all of us. And we really appreciate it.