It has been a very long week or so. Over the Winter Break I knew that my son was going to come down with COVID. And when he did, at first I was angry at him but it was really my fault. I did not prohibit him from going out on New Years. I did not force him to wear a K95 mask at work. I did not tell him that he could not take my car if he did not wear a K95 to school. I could have done any or all of those things and maybe it would not have made a difference but I feel like it would have. So I was complicit in my current situation.

He started having symptoms last week Monday. A sore throat. It got worse and on Tuesday in what I told the school nurse was “an abundance of caution” he stayed home. That day the school was handing out at-home tests to all families (two per student). I picked ours up in the afternoon and he tested negative. The next day he went to school and to work. When he got up on Thursday he sounded all snotty and bad. I told him to take the second test and he was positive. We immediately started wearing masks in the house. We do not have space to isolate. 

I was convinced that I was going to get it. I greeted each symptom free day with dread of what was coming. One day I ran a teeny fever. But that was it. I took an at home test on Saturday and tested negative. We had snow on Friday and my son was outside all day and sort of relapsed with a fever on Saturday. 

Monday we both got PCR tests. Again, certain that I would be positive. He is still positive (apparently you can test positive for some time with a PCR) and I am still negative. Part of me wanted to be positive. We continue to wear masks inside. Even now. As I’m typing. But I am not sure if he can still infect me (no?). I hope to have some more at home tests in hand tomorrow to test him again.

Suffice to say, the only places we have gone for the past week are to some drive-thrus (Starbucks, Wendy’s and Taco Bell). I had to drag out the old coffee pot and beg friends to buy me some ground coffee to make (they totally came through). I shopped online and picked my groceries up outside. 

I feel like we are slowly getting out of it and today I was going to go get my mammogram. I am pretty overdue since my health plan’s provider directory had the closest in-network provider in Brooklyn (like 70 miles away). I really tried to rectify it but after two very long phone calls and being sent a snippet of the directory of supposed diagnostic radiology facilities (actually none were), I submitted a complaint to the state of New York. I am that person. After submitting the complaint, the health plan got their grievance folks on it. It turns out that the facility that I have always gone to is actually in-network but for whatever reason, not listed in the directory. So, anyway, yay mammogram.

It was bitterly cold for the past two days (it was “feels like” one degree). We did not leave the house. My poor little car sat out there not being started and I just had a feeling she was not going to start this morning. I actually did not put my Starbucks mobile order in because I was afraid I would not be able to get it. That I would not be able to go to my hard fought for mammogram. And sure enough, it was touch and go for a minute but she did start. I ran inside and called to postpone my mammogram. I decided to drive around a bit to beef up the battery (I’m pretty sure that is what it was) so I went up to the Starbucks with the drive thru so I would not have to turn her off. She was fine the rest of the day and will hopefully be alright tomorrow. So it was not great but I rescheduled my screening and it is what it is.

At one point in the badness of the morning, while I was in the bathroom, the cat jumped up on my laptop. If I am leaving for any amount of time I have learned to shut it down. She has gotten up there and changed settings that I had a hard time figuring out. One time she actually took the number seven from the number keypad. Took it.This time she had opened a window featuring Cortana. 

After driving the car about, I settled in with my coffee to do some work and realized that my keyboard was not doing what I wanted it to do. I would press a key and random things would open. A dialogue box with a little microphone. Cortana’s little circle was now displayed on my taskbar. And the cat enabling Cortana was the straw that just broke me today.It was brief but there was definitely crying and cursing. 

I know that I am lucky. I am lucky that we did not infect my mother, my sister, my aunt and my uncle. I am lucky that my son was not terribly ill. That he can do online school. That I have good friends. That I am boosted (yay science). And I know that I have no room to complain, but I am just feeling starved to live. To be other places. And see other people. So starved that I was looking forward to my mammogram. Hopefully we can ease ourselves back into some semblance of living (my son will likely go to school on Friday) but I know that I just want so much more than the semblance we had (although that seems like heaven right now).

About nematomorph

Living like the rich and famous, splitting time between Hawaii and New York.
This entry was posted in covid, family, fear, friendship and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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