Earlier this week, I did a big thing. I went to see Bruce Springsteen by myself. I know that this does not sound like a big thing but I still have a pandemic mindset. I am still averse to large crowds. To being around people who may or may not be sick. So this was a really big deal for me. The anxiety that I was having prior to leaving encompassed every part of this outing. I worried that my car would get a flat on the way to the train station, or that it would cease functioning or that I would get into an accident or that the traffic would be terrible. At the train station, I worried that the parking structure would be full or that I would get on the wrong train or that someone on the train would yell at me for wearing a mask. At the arena, I worried that I would not be able to find the arena from the train station or that I would get on the wrong shuttle or that someone would yell at me for wearing a mask. At the show I worried that the people who I had to sit next to would yell at me for wearing a mask or be mean to me or get aggravated if I had to leave to go to the bathroom or that my phone would die or that I would lose my ID or my wallet or my keys or my parking ticket After the show I worried that I would get on the wrong train or that my phone would be dead and I would have to buy another ticket or that someone would be drunk and be mean to me or mug me or assault me. At the train station after I worried that I would not find my parking ticket or that I would not find my car or that someone was walking behind me in the parking structure. On the drive home I worried that I would get lost because the expressway was closed.
None of those things happened. I actually ended up not sitting in my seat during the show but rather standing at this counter thing. I could see and had much more freedom. Plus there was an outlet for charging. At one point two guys took up the real estate next to me. They were super loud. I ignored them but hoped that they would leave. At one point, the lesser loud guy came over to me to introduce himself (they were Mike & Mike). He completely thought that I was a man. He called me “bro” and extended a hand. Part of me was a bit put out, but then I felt like the fact that he came over to engage with a lone seemingly blue haired man worked in his favor. When I faced him, he quickly realized his mistake. He recovered and we chatted. He asked who my band was and I told him The Cure. He thought that Mattituck was Montauk (it is not). We parted our chatting ways and they moved on.
Later, a family, I think daughter and son in-law plus mother and dad were next to me. They sort of adopted me. I told this to my son and he was like, what? Well, the mom high fived me at one point. The daughter asked if I wanted to join them when they decided to take some seats that were vacated and asked if I wanted her to take my photo. Me, alone and all masked up, with my ear plugs in (a truly wise purchase if you ask me). It was nice to feel like I was a part of them. To feel like, they did not care what I looked like, we were just having a moment. I declined every nicety and ended up sprinting out at the end of the show. I hope that they know that their random kindness was truly appreciated.
And Bruce was just great. If you can go, I recommend. And I am so glad that I went. I just don’t want to become a person who is cowed by their anxiety. Someone who does not do things because they might get a flat or they might get on the wrong train. It is a struggle but I am winning at the moment. And despite all of my bravery this week, I truly worry that one day the “what ifs” will win out.
Aloha Hawaii, Aloha New York 